Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
