11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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