We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
