btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
