Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
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