my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
