You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
