Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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