Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
