i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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