Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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