He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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