I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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