im six kinds of drunk right now
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
