I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
