this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
