Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
