The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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