please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
