Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
