so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
