Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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