I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
