wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
