i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
