hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
