Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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