I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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