I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
