what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
