So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
