When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize