god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
