I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
