Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
