hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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