College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
