so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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