why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
