Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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