I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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