Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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