Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
