I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
