see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
