She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
