Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize