I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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