she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
