from now on my penis is your penis
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
