96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
