im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I would ride that face into the sunset
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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