I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
