Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
This house was built for laser tag.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
