3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
