At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
