She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize