I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
