Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
