I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
