How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
