hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
