Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
