just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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