we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
