too bad you live with your parents still
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
