if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
