"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
