Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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