Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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