I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We need to get me chipped asap
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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