dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize