I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
