Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You need Xanax blowdarts
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
