Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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