I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
