what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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