so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
