i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
