So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Can Purell be used as lube?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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