the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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