you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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