come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
