Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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