not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
