wakey wakey hands off snakey
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
