I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
