Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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