I have demons in me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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