Can Purell be used as lube?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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