let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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