The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize