Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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