I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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