whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
