I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
