I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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