I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
