Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
