Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
