she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
