I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
