I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
