I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
