just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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