Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
