dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
