is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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