ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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