i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
