i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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