You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
