its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
